


Clipped Icarus

by Vita_Umbrarum



Series: Relearning to soar [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr is a good friend, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Wings, Gen, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Mutant Powers, i dont know how to tag so i apologize for the mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vita_Umbrarum/pseuds/Vita_Umbrarum
Summary: Since before history was written down gifted had existed. No one knew exactly how it worked, but what was certain was that it was genetic.In which Alex learns the world is cruel , Angelica is furious, and John just really, really wants a nap. Sometimes you just want a junk food party with your friends, sometimes you don’t get what you want.
Relationships: Aaron Burr & John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, John Laurens & Angelica Schuyler, Pre-Relationship - Relationship
Series: Relearning to soar [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995382
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Clipped Icarus

**Author's Note:**

> me: what if me write a fluffy fic?  
> brain: badly written hurt/comfort with sad Laurens?  
> me:no I-  
> brain: BADLY WRITTEN HURT/COMFORT. SAD LAURENS. maybe Lams?
> 
> anyway please read the endnote for explanations. Enjoy I guess?

After moving to New York things should have been easier. In a way it was. The people here were kinder, more accepting, there was less need for lies. Well, except if one's surname was Laurens. 

Most people from his dorm didn’t like him much. His roommate, Hamilton, especially didn’t like him. It was understandable. John’s father was trying to get a bill through against immigrants. He was also openly against LGBT+ rights and against gifted. He called them mutants, or monsters. Since Hamilton and most of his friends, who lived in the same dorm, all fell under at least one of those categories they weren’t very happy with this. In the entire dorm there was only one person who didn’t hate him, Aaron Burr, who refused to make any enemies and therefore never took an opinion. Perhaps Angelica Schuyler, their RA, didn’t hate him either but he wasn’t sure of that.

Life in New York was easier. It was by far not easy, but still a whole lot better than South Carolina. The only problem with New York is that he has no idea where the dorm’s first-aid kit is. He has been searching in the common room for at least twenty minutes now and still nothing. It’s also 11pm and he just wants to go to bed.

“Laurens, what are you doing here?”

\--

Angelica prided herself on being a good RA. The common room was always clean, there was a minimum amount of fights and she rarely had to drag drunk students up the stairs. It was winter break which means she had less students on her hands than normal. In comparison to some other dorms hers was still quite full however. Angelica’s dorm held most of the scholarship students which means quite a lot of them lived too far or simply didn’t have the money to return home. Some didn’t even have a home to return to.

Despite all this she is confused for a second when she spots someone rummaging around in the common room. Hamilton, Mulligan and Lafayette had left an hour ago. Burr was in the library. Eliza, Peggy and Maria had gone shopping for the day. The rest was away visiting family.

“Laurens, what are you doing here?”

She calls out as soon as she sees the familiar ponytail. She doesn’t necessarily like Laurens but after he punched Lee for making a homophobic jokes she holds some respect for him. Laurens, obviously startled, turns around and stares at her with wide eyes. There’s one hell of a bruise on his cheek and Angelica winces. She would have guessed he got it from Lee but she knows Lee will be gone for the rest of the break. Although Laurens should still be away too so she isn’t sure.

“Uh, I, I wasn’t, do you know where the first-aid kit is?”

He stammers out, the wide eyes making him look like a deer in headlights. It confuses Angelica for a second, for a bruise like that he doesn’t need the first-aid kit, just an icepack. She gives a shrug and crosses the room, pulling open a cabinet she notices how Laurens flinches when she nears him. From closeby she can see the dark bruises beneath his eyes rivaling Hamilton’s during exams. Something was wrong with the South-Carolinan and she didn’t like the picture that was appearing. 

Silently she hands him the kit and watches as he sits down on the couch with it, cross legged like a child, he looks younger than the twenty years she knows he is. He takes the kit apart, putting some things aside; bandages, medical tape, a needle and thread, although she sees his hands shake at that. He turns to her, the unspoken question clear in his eyes. She doesn’t want to know what other injuries he’s hiding beneath those clothes so she walks to the fridge Mulligan installed months ago.

“I’ll get you some ice for that bruise on your face”

Maybe she can call Maria, she knows a lot more about first-aid.

\--

There’s blood dripping down his nose and face as he storms towards the common room. The others are on his heels. They must paint on hell of a picture, a maniacally laughing group dressed in the brightest colors you’ll ever see, one with a bloody nose. He throws the door open.

“Angelica! We’ve got McDonalds!”

He surveys the room; Angelica is holding an icepack, Laurens is sitting on the couch. The grin slips from his face and morphs into a scowl although it threatens to return when he sees the bruise on Laurens’ face. 

“Alexander what the fuck did you do this time”

Angelica waves towards his face. He grins and wipes at his nose, probably smearing the blood all over his face.

“Ran into a door”

Right at that moment the rest storm in; Lafayette and Hercules first, then Eliza, Peggy and Maria who are dragging a disgruntled Burr behind them. From the corners of his vision he sees Laurens sit up straighter on the couch, like a soldier or robot standing at attendance. Only now he sees that Laurens is clutching the first-aid kit like his life depends on it and he frowns. He’s pale and shaking and for a moment Laurens reminds him of himself when he was fourteen and just arrived in America. He shakes himself out of his musings and goes to help Hercules with the junk food they bought.

“We thought it fun to hold a party, since it’s winter break and it’s just us-“

Maria starts but then she notices Laurens who seems to be trying to disappear into the couch. 

“What are you doing here?”

Everyone is now staring at the freckled boy who seems to have become a statue. The only moving thing is the boy’s eyes which are frantically flicking over the room’s occupants.

“I don’t, I didn’t mean to, I’ll just”

Laurens stands up but Angelica hands him the icepack and pushes him back down on the couch.

“You’re staying right there until you explain what you need the first-aid kit for.”

“I can’t. You’ll hate me”

Alex snorts at that and Peggy shoots him a deathly glare for it. Laurens puts the kit next to him and pulls his knees to his chest, there are tears in his eyes. Alex doesn’t know what to do with this version of John Laurens. Normally the South-Carolinan is quiet and robotic-like. Sometimes the boy appears in their shared dorm with paint splatters on his skin and a stupidly wide grin that he both hates and loves. Every once in a while it’s bruises and a murderous expression. Never before has he seen Laurens cry. When he tunes back into the conversation Angelica and Maria are kneeling in front of Laurens, while the others have made themselves scarce, scattered across the room but still watching. Laurens is openly sobbing now, muttering things they don’t make much sense.

“He got mad. It was my fault. I failed, I failed and I shouldn’t have failed. It hurts. I don’t want it to hurt. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please just make it stop”

Both Angelica and Maria are trying to calm him, but it’s simply not working. Alex kneels next to them, he doesn’t like Laurens, but he doesn’t want to see him suffer like this.

“Hey, Laurens, can you take a breath for me? It’s going to be okay, alright? You’re going to be okay. Now I know that Maria can probably help you with whatever is hurting, but you have to breathe and tell us how we can help”

Laurens lets out a whine but he takes a breath and Alex counts it as a win. Angelica is staring at him with a strange expression but he ignores it and continues talking to Laurens. He babbles about the Carribian, a law paper he has yet to write and a stupid argument Jefferson made last week. He continues talking until Laurens starts breathing normally and wipes away the tears.

“Thank you. I, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to break down like that”

Alex simply shrugs and sits down on the couch next to Laurens. Maria lifts the first-aid kit with a look that says care to explain? 

“I got into a fight, with my dad and, and he had a knife and I, I don’t know how to explain”

Laurens voice is still shaky and then he’s pulling his hoodie over his head. There’s a strange bulge under his shirt and then he’s pulling that off too and suddenly a set of wings appear. The feathers are a light brown with white scattered in between. The wings are disorganized and unkept, some feathers are cut in half. At the joint where they connect to Laurens’ back a rust brown color stains the feathers.

“You’re gifted?”

Hercules speaks up. In the quiet room it’s deafening and Laurens flinches at the words. In Alex’s head all the puzzle pieces connect.

“Laf get me a wet towel. Laurens can you turn a bit so you’re facing me? Maria get behind him.”

Lafayette appears at his side and silently hands him the towel. Quickly he gives it to Maria who starts wiping the dried blood from the wings. Laurens starts shaking again but Peggy appears and pushes a stuffed turtle in his hands. Alex has seen the turtle before but always thought it was some sort of joke, from a younger sibling or something. Guessing from the way Laurens practically buries his face in the turtle and starts humming it isn’t. 

“Some of these gashes are rather deep, can I ask what happened?”

Maria whispers so she won’t startle the boy in front of her. Laurens gives a shrug and then winces when the movement pulls at the wounds. 

“He was angry. Tried to cut them off. Said he didn’t want a mutant for a son.”

The sentences are short, clipped and Laurens is obviously worn out, both physically and emotionally. He doesn’t seem to notice the impact his words have on the rest of the room. Lafayette swears in French and Alex feels inclined to do the same. Quietly Maria continues patching Laurens up, luckily there’s no need for stitches. Eliza appears with a blanket she drapes over Laurens who seems to be falling asleep. Alex pulls the boy down and moves him around until he’s laying down, his head on Alex’s thigh and his feet over Maria’s lap. The rest of the group sits down on the floor or other couches in the room. Someone puts Brother Bear on and they all stay quiet until Laurens’s soft snores fill the room along with Phil Collins’s singing.

“So, what do we do now?”

\--

The group stares at each other, everyone ignoring how Alexander combs through John’s hair. Lafayette has started grooming the feathers quietly. 

“We don’t do anything, not until he wakes up”

He gestures to the still sleeping John. Alexander shoots him a look, which Peggy then voices.

“His father tried to cut his wings off, and he has several older scars as well, it all points to abuse! We can’t do nothing”

“How many of you have ever actually spoken to him? Yelling at him because of who his father is doesn’t count, Alexander. He’s secretive, he might not want your help. Believe me, dragging this into the light will make it blow up, and you have to ask him first if that’s something he wants”

“Since when are you an expert on Laurens Burr?”

“Since I seem to be the only one who can hold a civil conversation with him. I saw him a few times at those fancy galas my parents dragged me to before they died. I know him a whole lot better than you, and even I know very little”

On the couch John lets out a whimper and buries his face into Alexander’s stomach. Aaron frowns and stands up, aware of everyone’s eyes on him. He walks out the room to his own room, which he luckily doesn’t share with anyone. He digs around in a box before pulling out a heavy blanket with which he returns. In the common room John has started babbling in a language Aaron doesn’t speak. He has heard the boy speak it often enough, mostly when asleep or panicked, however to know a little of what it means.

_“Waar is mama? Nee, het spijt me, stop, alsjeblieft stop ”_

A choked sob comes from the boy as he turns his face towards Alexander again, muffeling the rest of his words. Aaron drapes the blanket on top of the boy as he kneels down.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. You’ll see her again”

With a last whimper John quiets and he returns to his own chair. The rest is staring at him, again, and he fidgets. He doesn’t like being the center of attention.

“What language was that?”

“Dutch”

“He knows Dutch? Wait do you know Dutch?”

“His mother had Dutch roots or something. I know a few words but I don’t know how much he knows.”

Alexander looks like he wants to ask many more questions but Lafayette shakes his head and his attention returns to the tv. They continue their disney movie marathon. Peggy and Maria sing along to the songs albeit quieter than normal. It’s not the party they planned to throw but no one seems to mind.

\--

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is that his head hurts. There’s a hand combing through his hair and music and voices reach his ears. He keeps his eyes closed in the hope to go back to sleep. There’s a heavy blanket draped over him and he’s clutching his stuffed turtle to his bare chest. Wait, bare? Panic shoots through him as he realizes someone is petting his wings. Everything rushes back to him at once. Pain, fear, kind words, confusion. Voices are screaming in his head to run, run, run. A new voice joins the cacophony in his head, talking to him in soft tones.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. No one beyond us knows. We can keep it a secret if you want us too. Laf groomed your wings, hope you don’t mind that.”

It’s Hamilton. Hamilton hates him. Why is he talking to him, comforting him? He realizes his wings barely hurt anymore and remembers Maria patched him up. Maria, who is gifted with some kind of healing power. Maria, who will know as soon as she sees his scars. Maria who knows now. Maria, who will have told the others. Dear god they all know now. He wants to cry but he isn’t allowed and he wants to run but there’s nowhere to run to and why, why, why did he have to be born like this.

‘’John’’

It’s Aaron. It’s Aaron’s blanket he’s laying under. It calms him down instantly. It’s soft and warm and smells like lavender, memories of better times flood his mind as he rubs the fabric between his fingers. There are voices in the background, one fast, questioning, the other calm and slow, soothing. The conversation almost manages to lull him back to sleep. Almost, because suddenly the first voice, the loud, fast one shrieks.

‘’But it’s impossible! Neither Henry nor Eleanor Laurens was gifted! He can’t be gifted!’’

It snaps him back to the present, but not fully since before he can realize it he has opened his mouth and mutters.

‘’Well I don’t look like them either, dipshit. I mean, they’re both white as hell and I’m not.’’

He stares up at Alexander, who blinks down at him and suddenly he’s painfully aware how close they are, with him practically laying in Alexander’s lap. The other’s eyes are pretty, blue but also purple like the stars Eleanor loved so much. He blinks back and the meaning of his words crash down on him.

‘’Fuck’’

Alexander snorts and he decides he likes the sound.

‘’Well, which of them wasn’t actually, you know’’

‘’Eleanor isn’t my mom’’

He doesn’t know who asked it, but he figures there’s no sense hiding it anymore. He only hopes they won’t drag it out into the public although part of him doesn’t really care if they would.

‘’It was the maid, Ms. Rivera. Never learned her first name and never knew she was my mom until she was gone. Father doesn’t know I know but Eleanor told me before she passed away. They managed to cover it all up by hiding all the legal documents. I don’t think my father even knew my mom was gifted, Eleanor knew though, she had been friends with Rivera.’’

‘’She left?’’

‘’No, it was a car accident, drunk driver. It’s funny in a way, Eleanor and Rivera died in the same way, like I’m cursed or something’’

He knows he should be sad about it, but it’s been so long and his mom wasn’t really his mom and his should have been mom wasn’t either and he can’t get himself to care.

‘’You speak Dutch?’’

Lafayette changes the conversation and he’s thankful for it, since he doesn’t know how long he could have continued that topic before crying again.

‘’A bit. Eleanor felt guilty I never knew my mom as who she was, and would never learn Spanish from her. She didn’t know any Spanish so she taught me her language instead. I’m not fluent but it’s good enough’’

It’s quiet for a bit before he speaks up again.

‘’My dad kicked me out, said he removed me from his will’’

He feels guilty for dumping this much on them but with those first few words the floodgates opened and he doesn’t know how to stop. It feels nice though, being able to talk knowing people will actually listen. He understands now why Alexander talks so much, it’s proof of his existence.

‘’I think Eleanor knew it’d happen, since she set up some trust fund for me before she died. It should be enough to get through university. Although I’m not sure I can keep living in the dorms’’

‘’We’ll help you’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because I was wrong about you Laurens, I think most of us were and I want to help make things right’’

\--

Angelica wants to be angry but knows she can’t. She will be, later when she’s in her room with Eliza and Peggy, just like they had been when Maria came to them with a tearstained face and just as many bruises as John had now. She wants to be angry at people like Henry Laurens, James Reynolds and Charles Lee. She wants to be angry at herself for not seeing it earlier. She knows she shouldn’t, John’s good at lying, at hiding, acting. She knows she doesn’t know him, not really, not yet.

It’ll be okay though. Alexander will talk to Washington who will figure something out. Next time she sees Lee she will punch him. Wounds will heal and feathers will grow back and one day she’ll see John fly with those wings of his. One day she’ll see Hamilton and Laurens, Alex and John, and they’ll be free and proud of themselves. One day in the future Henry Laurens will be no more than a memory on a bad day, but for now they’ll take it one day at a time. 

Angelica is a good RA.

\--

New York is a whole lot better than South-Carolina, it isn’t perfect, but better.

**Author's Note:**

> To start; I know in most modern fics John knows Spanish. I don't know Spanish. I do not wish to ruin your language with Google translate. I however do know Dutch, so I used that instead. There is a good possibility that both the Laurens and Schuyler family had ties to the Netherlands so I made modern Laurens not-mom Dutch.  
> Translation of Dutch;'''Where is mom? No, I'm sorry, stop, please stop''
> 
> Second; I know that in the musical Alexander is referred to as Icarus however I find Laurens a more logical choice. Both Icarus and Laurens died young and due to their own recklesness. (the Combaheeriver battle didn't have to take place.) Added with that both technically died before they made a mark on the world, although Icarus became known after death, it seemed to fit. Also I just really like Wing AU's and sad Laurens.
> 
> Lastly; what Henry Laurens tried to do is not an actual thing that's done to birds, at least not legally. Clipping is sometimes done however (''some feathers are cut in half'') when clipping a bird you cut the primal wing feathers so the bird can't fly until they moult and these grow back. Clipping is often done to pet birds so they are less likely to fly away or into ceiling fans. It does bring it's own risk since they can still glide and are more likely to crash.  
> A clipped Icarus therefore wouldn't melt the wax of his wings, but unless taken care of properly, may still crash and horribly injure themselves.


End file.
